choice

You hands are shaking so much now you can't go through with it, so <<if $exit_choice eq "pills">>you set the pills back on the table, being careful not to spill them.<<endif>><<if $exit_choice eq "blade">>\n(wanting to do this properly), you set the blade back on the table.<<endif>><<if $exit_choice eq "revolver">>\nyou put the gun back on the table.\n<<endif>> You close your eyes and steady your breathing to calm yourself down. You remind yourself that once it's done, you'll finally stop hurting.\n\nBut during this very personal moment, [[it seems you have a guest.|Who's that?]]

<<set $exit_choice = "revolver">>\nCold and efficient, you choose the revolver. You'd like to go out with a bang.\n\n[[Hold it to your temple.]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $exit_choice = "null">>\n<<endsilently>><html>\n<img src="choice-title.jpg" width="500" height="396" alt="The Choice: by Gaming Pixie">\n</html>\nThree options lie before you now. In the end, there are only two.\n\n[[Show Me.|Which One?]]\n\n<hr /><p><em>[Note: The topic of this game is suicide. If you think this will be traumatic for you, please turn back now.] If you're currently in crisis, please [[go here|http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/]].</em></p>

You laugh coldly at her words and all their unintentional cruelty. Potential. Dreams. Yours are all gone, and that's why you're here. Pretending otherwise only reminds you what you've lost.\n\n"I'm talking to a ghost," you say. "You died a long time ago."\n\n"That's not true," Potential says. "I'm still here if you are."\n\n[[I don't believe you.]]\n\n[[What if she's right?]]

<html>\n<img src="choice-1.jpg" width="500" height="315" alt="It's sunny outside." title="A brighter day." />\n</html>\nLife isn't perfect and never will be. But as long as you keep living, there's still a chance things will get better.

<html>\n<img src="smile.png" width="500" height="442" />\n</html>\nYou sit by the girl and ask, "What's your name?"\n\nShe answers, "Potential." Your last visitor like this was a boy named Dreams. "Are you really prepared to give me up? Me and all the others?"\n\n[[It's already over.]]\n\n[[You're not so sure.|Just Maybe]]

"But how do I know that's enough?" you ask. "Or that I won't get hurt again?"\n\n"That's the trick," the girl tells you. "The only way to know is to try. And you never know what else you'll find along the way." She laughs. "And even if your discoveries aren't what you expected, there's always something worthwhile."\n\n"But how do I find them?"\n\n"Keep living. All you might need is one more day to see the sun looks brighter." Potential's smile fades. "I know you've had those days before. But you'll never have another if you end things now."\n\n[[You make another choice.|Choice 1]]

You've been suffering so long that it feels eternal. There's nothing Potential can say to you you haven't heard before.\n\n"One more day," the little girl whispers. "Just wait for one more day. I know how much you're going through, but time might ease the pain, and you'll never know it if you end your life right now."\n\n[[She may have a point.|Just Maybe]]\n\n[[It's too late for me.]]

<html>\n<img src="choice-2.gif" width="500" height="337">\n</html>\nYou ended your life today. Living hurt too much and you had to make it stop. You were more loved than you thought you were, even if just by one person; the dreams and potential you might've known are buried with your corpse.\n\nWho knows what you might've done if you'd had one more day. Even if the pain wasn't gone, it might not have hurt so much.\n\n<html>\n<h3>The End.</h3>\n</html>

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The Choice

"I've made my decision," you tell the girl. "I'm sorry, but I'm just too tired of fighting a losing battle."\n\n"Don't do this," the little girl pleads. "You remember last time? The last one like me? If you die, I'll never grow up, and no one can ever replace me."\n\n[[Ask her name.]]\n\n[[Your mind is made up.]]

Which do you choose?\n\n[[Pills]]\n\n[[Blade]]\n\n[[Revolver]]

<html>\n<img src="sad-girl.png" width="500" height="424" alt="The girl doesn't like this." title="Are you sure?" />\n</html>\nYou turn your back on the girl and do your best to ignore her.\n\n"Don't do this," she says again. "If you cross that line, you can never take it back."\n\n[[Ask her name.]]\n\n[[Ignore her. End it now.|Choice 2]]

<html>\n<img src="are-you-sure.png" width="500" height="434" alt="A little girl" title="A little girl" />\n</html>\n"Are you sure about this?" says a little girl's voice. Shocked, you turn around.\n\n"How did you get in here?" you ask.\n\nShe says, "That's not important."\n\n[[I know what's going on.]]

<html>\n<img src="sad-girl.png" width="500" height="424" alt="The girl doesn't like this." title="Are you sure?" />\n</html>\nYou ignore the girl. You tell yourself that if you listen, you're only fooling yourself.\n\n"Don't do this," she begs of you. "If you kill yourself, you can never change your mind." And, of course, she's right.\n\n[[You might reconsider.|Just Maybe]]\n\n[[No. You end it now.|Choice 2]]

[[About This Game]]\n[[Back to My Website|https://blog.gamingpixie.com/]]\n<hr />

<<set $exit_choice = "blade">>\nYou decide to slit your wrists. You've thought for some time that there's something poetic in killing yourself like this, and you've fantasized before that your life would end this way.\n\n[[Put it to your wrist.]]

The metal is cold against your skin, and its edge is sharp enough to spill your blood with ease. But you're hesitating.\n\n[[Maybe I'm afraid to die.|Almost There....]]\n\n[[It's anticipation, not fear.|Just tired of living.]]

One last breath, you think to yourself, and then it will all be over. No more pain. No more confusion. No more dealing with a world that has no place for you. As you reflect on exactly how little there is to leave behind, you wonder why you've waited this long since it never seems to get better.\n\nBut during this very personal moment, [[it seems you have a guest.|Who's that?]]

Blue and translucent, like little jewels. They look inviting, don't they? But you hesitate to take them.\n\n[[Maybe I'm afraid to die.|Almost There....]]\n\n[[It's anticipation, not fear.|Just tired of living.]]

Your finger curves around the trigger; you close your eyes and smile at the prospect of relief. But you haven't fired yet. It's almost like you're waiting.\n\n[[Maybe I'm afraid to die.|Almost There....]]\n\n[[It's anticipation, not fear.|Just tired of living.]]

You ask the child, "What's your name?"\n\nShe answers, "Potential." Your last visitor like this was a boy named Dreams. "Are you really prepared to give me up? Me and all the others?"\n\n[[It's already over.]]\n\n[[You're not so sure.|Just Maybe]]

"You're still here," you tell the girl. "That means there's something left. But how do I know it's enough? Or that I won't get hurt again?"\n\n"That's the trick," the girl tells you. "The only way to know is to try. And you never know what else you'll find along the way." She laughs. "But even if your discoveries aren't what you expected, there's always something worthwhile."\n\n"How do I find them?"\n\n"Keep living. All you might need is one more day to see the sun looks brighter." Potential's smile fades. "I know you've had those days before. But you'll never have another if you end things now."\n\n[[You make another choice.|Choice 1]]

"So, you're another one," you say. "Haven't you run out of stories?"\n\n"I'm part of you," she says with a shrug. "You have stories left to tell." She sits on your bed as if she belongs there and gives you a mischievous smile.\n\n[[Sit next to her.]]\n\n[[Tell her to leave.]]

<html>\n<img src="the-window.png" width="500" height="331" alt="The Window" title="The Window" />\n</html>\nOne more day, you tell yourself. I'll live for one more day.\n\n[[Look out the window.]]

<html>\n<img src="about-title.gif" width="375" height="47" alt="About This Game">\n</html>\nThis is about a place where I've been. My reasons may not be the same as anybody else's, but I do know what it's like to think there's nothing left. This game/story is mainly about why I never took the last step, and I hope it helps someone else to reach the same conclusion.\n\nNo, my life isn't all wine and roses. (It's mostly flat soda and dandelions.) But I've experienced my share of moments that make it worth fighting for.\n\nAll the best,\n\n<html>\n<img src="signature.gif" width="189" height="41" />\n<hr />\n</html>\nIf you're considering suicide, please [[visit this page|http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/]]. Not just for your sake, but for those who love you -- even if you think no one does.

<<set $exit_choice = "pills">>\nPills are the best way to go, you think. They're painless and they're clean. Just take enough (the whole bottle should do) and you're sure to wake up dead.\n\n[[Open the bottle.]]